Thoughts About Fundraising - Be The Water

During this process of starting to plan for fundraising, I have found a flaw within myself. 

I am not as courageous or as immune to opinion as I thought I was.

I have discovered that it is really quite challenging to make oneself vulnerable to others, even if its for an amazing cause such as Africa HEART. Though I have been very involved with community service here within Los Angeles, and I have worked with the organization serveLA for the past two years as a volunteer web programmer, marketing organizer, video editor, volunteer coordinator, I realized that I have never really been involved in a project where it was neccessary to fundraise so extensively, where the ultimate success of the project depended on the kindness and generosity of others, and where I so strongly believed in the value of the cause and the organization that my heart was instantly on my sleeve for all to see before I even GOT to the place where I would be serving with others.

Another part of this process has been the realization that much of the way I have been serving is in an independant way - doing things on my own for the most part,  vs. in community with others, dependant on others, reliant on others - trusting that other people will care about this organization that I care about. Trusting that the support will come through, that somehow, the money required, that is still at this point a big, looming question mark, will arrive and I will be able to step on that plane and know that we have been given a remarkable gift and opportunity - that we are going to do something incredible together.

It has been an interesting journey and I'm not even in the process of traveling yet, I'm only just started with the planning and the process of inviting people to care about this cause, which is so dear to me. Man, it is really hard on some days to have faith. 

No one wants to be dissappointed or let down. Least of all, do we want to feel alone, yes even I of the independent service record, wish to feel supported and surrounded by well meaning and enthusiastic community who believe that what we are trying to accomplish is valuable, it has meaning, it has a purpose and I should pursue the purpose against all odds that I might encounter. Surprisingly to me this week, I found that the first of these odds I will face, which I am overcoming, is my own fear of failure.

As I was writing my fundraising letters this week, signing them, sealing the envelopes, addressing them, affixing the postage, I had to try SO hard to get the negative thoughts out of my head - thoughts that I assumed others would have when they read the letter. Whether it would be a negative thought about the request for money, or the request for prayer, or the overall cause itself, All I could think about was what someone's negative reaction might be. Never did I think of how they might find it inspirational, encouraging or hopeful. It made me ask myself the question "Why do I have this instinct to sabotage myself? and What led to me having so little faith in others, to wrongly attribute to them my own deepest, darkest fears?" Yesterday, someone told me "Everything looks like a failure if you stop in the middle" , and I realized, I'm not even in the middle yet, I've only just begun. It is not time for questioning, it is a time for faith, there is not room for negativity, only for love and hope.

If I hope to accomplish what I have set out to do here with this project for AFRICA HEART, I must first choose myself to practice the story of hope that I am longing to capture on film. I can only be full of Faith and full of joy knowing that the meaning will be revealed NOT in the middle, but only once we have reached our goal and work, conribute, support, move as a community to serve others TOGETHER.

I wrote a new song the other day - inspired by the book THE ALCHEMIST and the bridge goes like this:

let me be like water,

flowing to the sea,

moving towards a purpose still unknown to me,

Make me a refraction,

use me as a lens

to focus your compassion on the least of these...

Today, I wish to set aside my fears, to embrace joy, to trust in the goodness of others, I wish to be like water and refresh those in need, parched for kindness, seeking life.

I've realized this week, that it takes many drops of water to make a full drink... will you choose to be a part of this life-giving drink of water in Kenya this year?